Our Cat Enters Heaven
In the Great Beyond, God is a tough feline that likes a balanced universe.
By Margaret Atwood
Our cat was raptured up to heaven. Heâ€™d never liked heights, so he tried to sink his claws into whatever invisible
snake, giant hand, or eagle was causing him to rise in this manner, but he had no luck.
When he got to heaven, it was a large field. There were a lot of little pink things running around that he thought at first
were mice. Then he saw God sitting in a tree. Angels were flying here and there with their fluttering white wings; they
were making sounds like doves. Every once in a while God would reach out with its large furry paw and snatch one of
them out of the air and crunch it up. The ground under the tree was littered with bitten-off angel wings.
Our cat went politely over to the tree.
Meow, said our cat.
Meow, said God. Actually it was more like a roar.
I always thought you were a cat, said our cat, but I wasnâ€™t sure.
In heaven all things are revealed, said God. This is the form in which I choose to appear to you.
Iâ€™m glad you arenâ€™t a dog, said our cat. Do you think I could have my testicles back?
Of course, said God. Theyâ€™re over behind that bush.
Our cat was very pleased. Thank you, he said to God.
God was washing its elegant long whiskers. De rien, said God.
Would it be possible for me to help you catch some of those angels? said our cat.
You never liked heights, said God, stretching itself out along the branch, in the sunlight. I forgot to say there was
True, said our cat. I never did. There were a few disconcerting episodes he preferred to forget. Well, how about some
of those mice?
They arenâ€™t mice, said God. But catch as many as you like. Donâ€™t kill them right away. Make them suffer.
You mean, play with them? said our cat. I used to get in trouble for that.
Itâ€™s a question of semantics, said God. You wonâ€™t get in trouble for that here.
Our cat chose to ignore this remark, as he did not know what â€œsemanticsâ€ was. He did not intend to make a fool of
himself. If they arenâ€™t mice, what are they? he said. Already heâ€™d pounced on one. He held it down under his paw. It
was kicking, and uttering tiny shrieks.
Theyâ€™re the souls of human beings who have been bad on Earth, said God, half-closing its yellowy-green eyes. Now if
you donâ€™t mind, itâ€™s time for my nap.
What are they doing in heaven, then? said our cat.
Our heaven is their hell, said God. I like a balanced universe.
Our Cat Enters Heaven
The above is a hyperlink to the video.